Genesis
32:22-31
We have all had one of those moments
when a choice, or a decision, lay before us.
We lose sleep, we worry, we procrastinate, but the deadline, a deadline
that could forever change our lives, gets closer. As children we made decisions about picking friends.
Later we picked colleges, occupations, spouses, not necessarily in that order. I suspect all of us have looked back and explored
how those choices shaped our lives. As
adults, we understand all too well the radical nature of life changing decisions.
We weigh all the options, hopefully we pray, but most of all we wrestle with
our soul in a never ending battle of trying to make the right choice. And sometimes, at midnight, we go down to the
river, wondering who or what might greet us. Such
was the dilemma of Jacob. Jacob was a scoundrel,
liar, and cheat. And those were his best qualities. He worked hard to manipulate life to suit his
purposes, but this did not excuse him from his inevitable appointment with the
river. Jacob was no role model. He is not the first person who comes to mind
when we think of a biblical character we might emulate. And yet, like it or not, I imagine there is a
little of Jacob in each of us. Unlike
his grandfather Abraham, Jacob was no hero.
He lived life running away from his problems. He fled Esau and Laban without even saying
good-bye. What was there to say? He stole the birthright from Esau. He stole two daughters and the family jewels
from Laban. If anything, Jacob was the anti-hero.
Unlike
his father Isaac, Jacob was no poet.
Isaac defined his life by that ghastly incident in the mountains with
his father. When Abraham lifted the
knife to slay his son, Isaac saw his past, and his future written before his
eyes. Isaac won Rebekah with his words
and blessed Jacob with his vision. But
Jacob, the man who saw a ladder descend from the heavens, never spoke of his dream
in poetry or song. Jacob saved his words
to manipulate, to placate, to exaggerate, in order to control the moment
regardless of the lasting consequences.
Jacob was no poet, for poets speak the truth. Jacob was just a liar, molding his desires,
his appetites, regardless of the damage done to the innocent. Jacob could not see the future, therefore
tomorrow became his greatest enemy. His
fear of the unknown drove Jacob to finally confront his destiny and his God.
Jacob
had been away from home for nearly fifteen years. His mother and father had died and Jacob had
skipped both funerals. His brother did
not relinquish responsibility of the land.
Under Esau the herds had grown and the land had flourished. But despite all Esau’s labor, Jacob still owned
the birthright. Legally the land still belonged to the younger brother who had
fled in the night. But Esau could not
turn his back on his father’s dream and
Jacob was aware this. Jacob knew
Esau had cultivated what was technically his.
What Jacob could not know was how Esau would react once the prodigal
returned home. In the light of day, Jacob
figured there was no way he could manipulate his brother a second time. In the light of day, Jacob anticipated that
Esau would respond the selfishly and self-servingly. Jacob figured Esau had to
be waiting on the other side of the river with nothing but revenge on his
mind.
But
at night, another voice entered the consciousness of the manipulator. At night, Jacob encountered the God of
Beth-el. At night, Jacob had seen a
ladder descending from the clouds. At
night, Jacob was reminded that God would remain with him, regardless. So at night, Jacob went down to the river.
The
tough thing about making a decision is not the final decision. We already know what we are supposed to
do. Choosing between right and wrong is not
all that difficult. Acting on what is right is the problem. There are so many complicating
factors which confuse our minds. Doing
the right thing is not always advantageous. Doing what is right often works
against our best interest. Living a life
where our self interests are set aside for the sake of a loved one, or a
beloved community, might require sacrifice on our part. Jacob was no hero. For an entire life, his needs, his desires,
his wishes, always superseded the needs, the desires and the wishes of his
community. Jacob had learned to manipulate
everyone, but God. And now it was
night. He had no place to run, no place
to hide. Standing by the river, on the
edge of his destiny, Jacob encountered a stranger.
Was
it an angel? Was it God? Perhaps it was the deepest side of his psyche
harboring all his doubts. Perhaps Jacob
was attacked by an inner voice that said, “I am nothing, I am unworthy of my
blessing, I am unworthy to continue the covenant established with my
grandfather Abraham.” Perhaps Jacob
engaged in a battle between the one destined to be a dreamer and the manipulative
fugitive who was always prone to run away. After all it has often been said our truest
victories are the ones we achieve over ourselves. Perhaps Jacob was forced to confront himself
and found there was no place left to run.
As
tempting as it would be to draw these conclusions, the text suggests Jacob encountered
more than just his own psyche. We all
know sometimes the choices between lawful or unlawful, or between right and
wrong, can be manipulated to serve our own purposes. So we ask the more difficult question, “What
is Godly and what is ungodly?” This
conversation moves us beyond our conventional answers and challenges us to
explore life as seen through the imagination of God. No where in Jacob’s limited psyche did he
imagine that Esau might be waiting across the river with forgiveness in his
heart. We constantly find ourselves captured
by the limited choices WE believe to be possible. Jacob had no idea what would happen when he
encountered God. Few of us do. But for the first time in his life, Jacob did
not run away.
Was
he ready to repent? Was he hoping God
would bail him out? Was he curious? Maybe Jacob was all of the above. Maybe he was just tired of running. When our
last resort is to wrestle with God, are we any different than Jacob? Tormented
and confused, hoping for a miracle, we stagger toward the river. Only the
miracle we discover is seldom what we expected.
What Jacob encountered was not a
solution but a presence. Jacob went to the
river and discovered God was already there.
He
fought with God, for Jacob had fought God all his life. But isn’t it better to fight God than to be
without God.
He
struggled with God, for Jacob struggled with God from the beginning. But isn’t
it better to struggle with God than be alone.
They
fought all night until all Jacob could do was hold on to that which he could
not even understand. This wretched man confronted holiness. This dishonest man found
himself challenged by truth. This
frightened man discovered a Holy Refuge.
This barren man encountered an Unimaginable Love. Inspired by everything he had never been, the
next morning Jacob limped across the river.
(Have
Kathleen sing)
Let’s go down to the river to
pray,
Thinkin’ about that good old way,
And who can wear the starry crown,
Good Lord show us the way.
Oh sinner let’s go down,
Come on down, come on down,
Oh sinner let’s go down,
Down to the river to pray.
Amen.
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